Finally, I have the secret to billion-dollar success, and I have Kim Kardashian to thank.

You want it? ‘Get your ‘f***ing ass up and work’.

That’s it.

All this time I bet you thought the road to money town was paved with nepotism, an abundance of opportunity, a pre-loaded bank account, an absolute genius mum dedicating every waking minute to getting you jobs, other people’s ideas, and a butt that just wouldn’t quit.

If you were too busy working on your business and missed Kim’s interview with Variety this week, alongside her sister Khloe and Kourtney, who have also enjoyed stupid success kickstarted by similar means – albeit without the sex tape and job organising Paris Hilton’s closet – Kim enraged the masses, like the problematic queen she is, when she shared her hot tips to making it.

‘With all respect, and with love, I’m not, like, being a bitch,’ she began, in what would very much come across as her being a bitch.

‘I have the best advice for women in business,’ she added. ‘Get your f***king ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days.’

C’mon lads, enough sitting on the couch, quaffing crisps and watching Loose Women – you gotta work!

If Kim was a career counsellor, she’d be out of a job.

I’m not the only one who is wildly enraged at her tone-deaf attempt at motivating us to succeed and perpetuating this stupid idea exhausting hustle culture is the road to glory. Go online and you’ll be met with a royally pissed-off group of grafters who are wondering whether this is Kim’s attempt at irony.

This is a woman who was born into immense privilege, who never had to worry about where her next pay cheque was coming from; has found fame and financial windfalls off the back of exploiting filters and Photoshop to her advantage, and, what has been levelled at her countless times over her career, exploiting Black culture.

So does she really think we buy the whole ‘get up and work’ mantra? And the day after International Women’s Day, no less?

Sure, Kim, you also help free people from prison, your pursuits are worthy, but when it comes to the girlboss, ‘if you want it bad enough you’ll work for it’ preaching, can you please put a sock in it? That is not what we’re looking for here.

It was only a couple of months ago Molly-Mae Hague appeared to be the most hated person on the internet when she quoted Beyoncé on a podcast and suggested ‘we all have the same 24 hours in a day’, and that if you truly want success you’ll stop at nothing until you get it.

What resulted was a conversation around privilege and how much that affects our chances of success. If you’re rich, you’re already ahead. If you’re white, skinny and conventionally attractive, you’ve just got more privilege in the bank to use as capital.

Molly-Mae is 22, so we gave her the benefit of the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed doubt there, but Kim, 41, should know better. She’s apparently the reality star-cum-Tony Robbins-wannabe we didn’t ask for, whose head is clearly so in the clouds she thinks it’s comparable to suggest getting off our butts is the trick we’ve been missing.

I’ve seen enough privileged people to understand you can be given all the headstarts in life and still not turn it into success, so I’m not saying the woman doesn’t work hard in her own special way (could I do what she does? Probably not). But in that same vein, I’ve seen enough people work multiple jobs and send themselves to the brink of breakdown in pursuit of that success, never to land a million-dollar deal, let alone several.

So who does Kim think she’s speaking to when she says we have to ‘get off our ass and work’. It’s definitely not the single parent working multiple jobs just to put food on the table, the kid trying to burst through every closed door just to get one break, or even the few who have gone viral claiming they’ve worked around the clock on some of Kim’s aforementioned projects. So often, success has nothing to do with work ethic.

‘Nobody wants to work these days?’

Kim, you are part of the millennial generation: we’ll probably work forever, what with that whole rising cost of living thing, the real estate bubble that continues to inflate, and the inevitable delaying of retirement (oh my).

On top of that, we’ve slogged it through a pandemic that resulted in furloughs and job losses, as well as everything else going on in the world today *not naming names but it rhymes with bald bore free* that’s going to likely mess with the careers of your brethren.

So perhaps take stock and read the goddamn room, Kimblerly, before you go all Mr Motivator on us.

Because unlike the Lip Kits, shapewear and detox teas, when it comes to this ‘if you want it bad enough you’ll make it happen’ BS, we’re not buying this one.

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