Children can come out with the most unintentionally funny things.
When they’re trying to make sense of the world around them, they often find unique perspectives that seem wise beyond their years – and make you chuckle in the process.
Or, they may be pushing the boundaries of tact with that signature bluntness. Kids don’t understand what’s considered polite yet, which lets them get away with a whole lot.
Even when our little ones says things that’d be the height of rudeness from an adult, we can’t stay mad at them.
In fact, these ‘out of the mouths of babes’ comments can make for some hilarious family stories. And their childlike innocence can go a long way to cheering us up when grown-up stuff gets too much.
We asked parents about their children’s funniest moments, sharing their mini comedians’ punchlines to brighten your day.
Emma Pinnock, 42, Director of the Essential Education Group, Birmingham
‘I was teaching my son, who was two at the time and is now seven, animal noises. He particularly loved the elephant noise.
‘As we were getting changed that night he looked down and said, “Mommy look” while making a trunk movement and an elephant sound. His dad was impressed.’
Lizi Jackson-Barrett, 45, Confidence Strategist, Romford, Essex
‘When my daughter Layla was four, she helpfully let me know “Mummy you’ve got something on your face, let me get it off”.
‘Then on closer inspection she added: “Oh, never mind. It’s just a little bit of moustache”.’
Nicola Thornber, 48, Cafe Owner and Indie Author, North West England
Last week my 6yo daughter came home from her after school club with a fortune cookie. I helped her open it and we read the message inside. Afterwards she said “does it cost lots of money?” I looked at her confused. “It’s called a FORTUNE cookie,” she replied.
There was also the time we were watching the masked singer. As the break came on I asked her to go get her pj’s on. “But the man said don’t go anywhere!” She replied!
Chloe Busby, 33, Content Creator and Small Business Owner, London
‘My four-year-old daughter said to me at 5am this morning after getting into my bed, “Mummy stop making air come out of your nose, I can’t sleep”… oh sorry, I’ll just stop breathing.
‘Also, after the second lockdown I was super excited to be going out for dinner with a friend. I picked a jumpsuit (so on point!), heels etc. Just before leaving the house I asked her, “how do I look?”
‘Her answer: “like Ab Fab on community service.”
‘And yesterday she told me that my huge gorgeous cocktail ring looks as if Primark did the Crown Jewels.’
Sandra Ishkanes, 55, in, Functional Medicine Practitioner, Brighton
‘My daughter kept asking me to help her remember the name of the Buckingham Palace theme tune… it turned out to be the national anthem.’
Nishtha Patel, 54, Clinical Nutritionist, Kent
‘I told my son to go to bed once – he was about four. He then turned around and said “I can’t!”
‘I asked him why and he replied… “because mummy I’m nocturnal!” He remembered the word from our trip to London Zoo.’
Amanda Elias, 42, Owner of Uncie Clothing, Ammanford, South Wales
‘My daughter, for some reason, couldn’t pronounce the word smack when she was around two, so said f*ck instead.
‘She loudly announced on a plane journey, “you naughty boy daddy, I f*ck your bum, I f*ck your bum daddy”. Everyone else found it a lot funnier than I did!
‘That child turned so many words into profanities. At five, she asked me for her favourite inner c*nt smoothies – she meant Innocent smoothies, but managed to change the word innocent into one of the most disgusting swear words.’
Emma Jarvis, 31, Founder of Parent Promise, Liverpool
‘My son said to my dad, who is planning his third marriage, that he’s half of Henry VIII’
Nicola Chan, 40, Body Confidence Coach, Liverpool
‘My daughter, now aged 11, used to say when she had pins and needles, that she had “pease and noodles”.’
Samantha Wostear, 44, Calligrapher, Essex
‘My daughter Jemima, six, asked “How did you and daddy get to work in the olden days before they invented cars?”’
Claire Munday, 44, Founder of Tappy Toes baby and toddler dance franchise, Hatfield Broad Oak
‘This is from 2016, my son was three, he’s now 9. He said “I’ve done a poo the size of a polar bear and it stinks like a skunk.” – and he was right!
‘Another funny quote was from when we were watching Strictly and he said during the adverts, “I’ll wait for it to come on again and then I’m gonna do good moves that you haven’t seen before!”
‘Honestly, he cracks me up.’
Bryony Lewis, 38, Founder of T & Belle, Fareham
‘When my six-year-old Theo was three, he asked “When our cats get big and strong like big pigs, then we can ride on them?”
‘Around the same time, he had clearly been listening a bit too carefully to some of the things I’d said in the past. We went to get into the car and he spotted some seagull poo on the door, he sighed deeply and said “oh that sodding bird”.
‘Also, at two, my now-four-year-old daughter Isabella couldn’t pronounce the “tr” in “truck” and it came out as an “f” instead. We would spend road trips in fits of laughter, particularly if we came across a “horsey truck”, a “big truck” or a “dirty truck”.’
Lucy Baker, 47, Lincolnshire
‘My son, Rocky, four, said to me yesterday: “Mummy, come here… your eyeballs look tiny and sore.”
‘Thanks love – I’m knackered!’
Jane Johnson, 49, London, Founder of Careering into Motherhood
‘”Mummy, why did three wise men visit baby cheeses?” asked my son Felix (when he was five – he’s now eight) while eating a mini Babybel.’
Rozanne Kay, 41, Astrologer and Life Coach, Lancashire
‘”I’m just feeding the plants mum!” said the three-year-old. I come downstairs to find the vase of flowers on the hearth filled with bread and milk.
Also 5 y/o friends stood at the Juliet balcony overlooking garden and houses beyond, lots of light pollution… “wow! I’ve never seen the night time from this angle before! It’s AMAZING!”
Alison Reddihough, 55, East Grinstead, Mid Sussex, Co-owner and Writer at Tickled Moon
‘When my youngest boy Charlie was five (he’s now 16) he came home from school to tell us that the teacher had shut him in a dark cupboard to “learn about death”.
‘Anyway, after some “gentle extraction”, we finally worked out that they had been learning about being “deaf” and “blind” and that the whole class had all gone into a very big cupboard with the lights off to experience the latter.
Vicky Borman, Cambridgeshire, Director of CBD Angel
‘When he was three, my middle child Ryan (now 15), overheard myself and my husband saying that the UK resort we booked for a couple of nights away over a weekend was quite “chavvy”.
‘We then went outside and unloaded the car, and as we came back round to the caravan he had the main back window open with a pair of binoculars in his hands. When asked what he was doing his response, in the loudest voice possible, was “chav spotting”.
‘I would like to say that nobody heard us but I’m certain that everybody around us did.’
Eliza Flynn, 40, Pre and Postnatal Personal Trainer at The Warrior Method, London
‘When my six-year-old son Arthur was two, I asked him, “Do squirrels lay eggs?”
‘”No,” he replied. “They lay nuts!”
‘I also once asked him how many fingers does he have, to which he said: “All of them.”
‘My four-year-old son Hector would say he didn’t like “bread skin” to refer to the crusts.
‘When we asked him where babies come from, he said: “There’s a nut in your tummy and the baby eats it and then turns into a baby!”‘
Ena Alche, 46, business owner, Rushden, Northamptonshire
‘When my son was a toddler, he would ask for “a cup of teeth”
‘Last year, when he was 12, I’m picking him up from school. Him, dead serious, gets in the car, and says to me, “we need to talk.”
‘I’m thinking to myself, gosh, what happened today? And he continues: “You are late far too often. You really need to do something about this. We cannot continue like this!”
‘I couldn’t help myself, I just laughed
‘Also, about a year ago, I received an email from one of the teachers asking me if everything was ok with my child, as he stopped contributing in lessons and became very quiet. He clearly wasn’t himself. So, all day, I was thinking about that email, worrying that something must be wrong etc. I was seriously concerned.
‘So when I picked him up that day in the afternoon, once we were in the car on the way home, I asked if everything was okay. He replied yes. No problems? No. I told him that I received an email from a teacher saying that he is not putting his hand up much and the teacher has noticed that.
‘His reply: “Mum, try holding your hand up half a day. See how comfortable it is! My arm hurts!”
‘After running, all day long, a number of worst case scenarios as to what could be wrong, when I heard that the reason is a sore arm, it just made me giggle.’
Kirsten Whitehouse, 47, Women’s Fitness and Wellbeing Specialist, St Albans
‘My son told us the “Easter Jesus” had hidden chocolates in the nursery garden when he was three.
‘He’s a Cambridge university student now but we still refer to the Easter Jesus every year.’
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