DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with my husband bored me to tears so I have been enjoying a passionate affair with my first ever lover.
I’m a woman of 45 with two grown-up sons.
My husband is 47 and he’s a good, kind man. We’ve had a lovely marriage but these days, we live more like friends.
He has a low sex drive and if we were ever intimate, it was all about him and his needs.
He’d have intercourse, then roll off and go to sleep.
The best sex for me was when I was 18 and dated a guy of 20 for a year. He was a great lover.
I never had to say a word, he simply knew how to please me.
Recently I ran into him in a coffee shop. He recognised me right away and gave me a big bear hug.
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We had a lot to catch up on, so we sat together and he told me he was married with a daughter.
We swapped numbers and started texting.
The chat went on to flirting, then we met up in a hotel for dinner and an overnight stay — my husband thought I was with my mother.
Sex with my ex was as magical as I’d remembered and afterwards I found myself constantly lusting after him and thinking about sex.
We kept chatting and meeting up for the next eight weeks, but then he abruptly told me it was over. His wife had found out about us, so he is no longer interested.
I was distraught and confessed to my husband.
He says he’ll forgive me but in honesty I want my lover back.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your feelings are real but this man is out of your reach.
It’s hard to get over a passionate affair but try to remember why you fell in love with your very understanding husband.
He’s no doubt hurt that you’ve cheated but if he’s willing to forgive you, then you owe it to him to tell him where things were lacking for you.
This affair was about sex and you can have great sex with your husband too. You’ve just never told him that you were dissatisfied.
When he’s ready for sex again, show him what to do.
Guide his hands to places which feel good, and don’t have intercourse until you’re completely ready.
I’m sending you my support pack Can You Get Over Cheating? which I hope can help you to rebuild your marriage.
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