DEAR DEIDRE: I LIE in bed at night sexting my secret lover with my dull husband snoring beside me.
It’s the most excitement I’ve had in years but now I’m worried it’s come to a crashing end.
I’m a woman of 52 in an unhappy marriage. My husband, who is 53, pays me no attention and is never interested in sex. I was so lonely.
My lover is 57 and we met online when I couldn’t sleep one night.
We had a real connection and started messaging constantly.
We live 200 miles away from one another but grabbed every private second together to message and video call.
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We couldn’t get enough of each other and would often sext late at night while our spouses slept beside us.
His wife is 60 and openly admitted she never wants sex with him again. She said if he wanted it, he should look outside of their relationship.
I thought our arrangement was perfect — both of us getting some intimacy in otherwise unhappy marriages.
We even met a couple of times and stayed overnight in hotels. The sex was off the scale.
My husband had never made me feel that way in all our years together. But the last time we met — by the coast for a weekend — we argued about our next date.
He told me he couldn’t see me for a while as his wife was having an operation.
I got upset and told him he should make time for me and our relationship. I’ll admit I felt jealous.
Later that day he blocked my number and then messaged saying we were over. It’s been ten days since I heard from him and I’m crying like a lovesick teenager.
I don’t think I can get over him.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s tough but this man was never free to be with you.
You’re married so if you’re unhappy, why haven’t you done something about it? Cheating is never the answer.
You’ve enjoyed the thrill of the chase but the fallout of getting caught could be catastrophic.
Your husband at least deserves to know how you’re feeling. Explain to him that your relationship feels different and suggest some couples counselling to see what can be salvaged.
You can find help through Tavistock Relationships, which provides quality counselling at a reasonable cost (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975).
My support pack Your Lover Not Free will help you to move on.
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