I picked my mistress over my partner and now realise I made a terrible mistake.

I find myself living with a stranger I don’t know or understand all.

She lives a chaotic life. People visit her flat at all hours of the day and night. She never eats proper meals or keeps on tops of bills or maintenance.

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She’d rather uncork a bottle of wine and dance on the table than acknowledge the rainwater pouring through the ceiling.

In the six months I’ve been here I’ve fixed everything from the washing machine to the toilet.

We’re not even having much sex anymore because two of her male mates are crashing in the front room and I feel self-conscious. To add insult, I suspect she’s sleeping with them because she keeps creeping out of our bed when she thinks I’m asleep.

I thought that living a more bohemian lifestyle would be exciting but I’m out of my depth.

Meanwhile my ex-partner is living the dream. Our old house is under offer and she’s moved in with a city slicker.

She looks amazing and friends tell me she’s having the time of her life. Her young bloke adores her, and they’ve discovered a love of swinging.

But I know my ex. If she gets wind that I’ve made the wrong decision she’ll gloat until the cows come home.

What are my options when I feel like the world’s biggest pillock?

JANE SAYS: You cannot allow your pride to hold you back from moving on. The truth is that your lover is not the right person for you.

You’ve tried co-habiting for six months and nothing about her mindset or lifestyle melds with you. You’re complete opposites. You’re ordered, she’s messy. You worry about bills and efficiency, she couldn’t care less.

Your sex life has hit the rocks and now you’re worried she’s sleeping with two other guys.

None of this is good for your mental or sexual health. Sometimes in life we are obliged to hold our hands up and admit we’re done.

Would your lover even notice, or care, if you packed your bags and booked into a motel tonight?

Fortunately, your former home is now under offer so hopefully some money will be coming your way soon.

Take your time in deciding where to go and what to do next. The world is your oyster and you can be anyone you like.

Mistakes have been made, but I have to believe that everything will turn out for the best in the end. You and your ex-partner couldn’t have been happy, either, or you wouldn’t have cheated.

Mentally wish her well. Pull yourself up, look life in the eye and vow to be settled and happy again.

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