CRAIG BROWN: Arrrrgh! Not another family quiz on Zoom! The trials and tribulations of a year in a lockdown – Part 1
March 2020
- I thought I spotted Imelda Staunton hovering over the ready-mixed salads in Sainsbury’s, but it turned out to be someone who looked a bit like her. Or do I mean Celia Imrie? Anyway, it wasn’t either of them.
- We watched a Netflix series about this woman who has an affair with a man who may or may not be a serial killer. After the eighth episode of the second series we gave up, as we thought we might have already seen it.
- I thought of planting some tulips, but then I got totally caught up in breakfast, mid-morning and afternoon and early evening TV, so I couldn’t find the time.
April
- I bought a pair of brown slip-on shoes online. They turned out to be a bit too big. I couldn’t be bothered to send them back, so I wore them for a few days to try to get used to them. Then I put them in a drawer, along with a blue V-neck sweater I ordered two weeks earlier, which had turned out to be too small.
My neighbour three doors along was sitting in her garden, talking to someone I didn’t recognise. Neither of them was wearing a mask. I was furious. It’s so irresponsible!
- I looked out of the window and noticed my neighbour three doors along had a visitor when the Covid rules clearly stated that she wasn’t meant to. Three days later, I let someone into our house, but that’s different, because he was a close friend.
- We started watching more news, because we wanted to know all about the virus.
- We stopped watching so much news, because it just went on and on about the virus.
May
- My neighbour three doors along was sitting in her garden, talking to someone I didn’t recognise. Neither of them was wearing a mask. I was furious. It’s so irresponsible!
- We organised a family quiz on Zoom. They’re all the rage. One of the questions was about the length of the Forth Road Bridge, and another was about John Wayne’s real name, which was something unexpected like Sharon. Someone said Boris Johnson’s middle name is Shirley. I wonder if that’s true?
I May we organised a family quiz on Zoom. They’re all the rage. One of the questions was about the length of the Forth Road Bridge, and another was about John Wayne’s real name, which was something unexpected like Sharon [Stock image]
- I enjoyed chatting with a friend in the garden. We didn’t bother to wear masks, as we knew each other.
- I thought of taking up birdwatching and tried it for a bit, but they just wouldn’t sit still.
June
- I watched Steph’s Packed Lunch on Channel 4. Steph was joined by former Chancellor of the Exchequer Nigel Lawson and Baby Spice Emma Bunton. They didn’t seem to have anything to say to one another. A chef demonstrated an easy way to cook flapjacks, and let them both try one.
July
- We thought of buying new tiles for the kitchen, but decided against it.
- I read somewhere that the Duchess of Cambridge’s favourite colour is navy blue. You learn something new every day.
- We suggested another family quiz, but there wasn’t much take-up, so we watched an old Morse instead.
- I thought of taking up knitting, but decided against it.
August
- In the supermarket, I spotted a woman whose mask had slipped below her nose. She wasn’t doing anything about it. I was furious, but I didn’t want to cause a scene, so said nothing.
- I sorted through the kitchen drawer. I found half a dozen drawing pins, two pairs of nail clippers, an unworn paper hat from a Christmas cracker, three old keys we never use, a broken cassette tape of The Bee Gees’ greatest hits, a key ring, three supermarket receipts, a marble, a jigsaw piece and 13 rubber bands. I didn’t know what to do with them, so I put them in another drawer, thinking they might come in handy some day.
- In the supermarket, my mask was making me feel fugged up, so I slipped it off my nose for a while. I saw a woman glaring at me, but she didn’t say anything. Some people take offence at the slightest thing!
- We spent most of the month catching up on the first four and a half seasons of Line Of Duty, but couldn’t work out what on earth was happening, so we gave up.
- I received an Amazon delivery of a cardboard box to put things in. It arrived in a cardboard box.
To be continued…
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