Dame Deborah James has opened up about the gruelling toll her bowel cancer diagnosis had on her marriage.
The beloved campaigner, known by her social media handle Bowelbabe and as a presenter of the You, Me And The Big C podcast, had been diagnosed with stage four bowel cancer in 2016 and was told early on that she may not live beyond five years.
She tragically died last June at the age of 40, five years after being diagnosed with the disease.
Her Bowelbabe Fund for Cancer Research UK has now reached £11.3million through its online appeal and her family’s fundraising, while her legacy continues and a new BBC documentary airing posthumously showcases her battle.
In it, Dame Deborah’s voice notes and videos, as well as social media posts, feature alongside never before seen footage and interviews with her loved ones.
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In one clip, the mother-of-two talks about the toll her illness has had on her marriage, as she documents the difficulties during a recording of one of the You, Me and the Big C podcast episodes.
In quotes obtained by Mail Online, Dame Deborah, who married Sebastien Bowen, 42, in 2008, says: ‘The thing that I forget sometimes – because my husband said this before – is that there are two people going through this.
‘One moment I’m vomiting and crying in pain or complaining in the dark depths of [thinking] “oh I hate cancer!”
‘And then the next minute, I want to be seen as like, “oh, do you want to have sex with me?” Right? I want to be like, “you must desire me!”‘
She adds: ‘To be able to flip through all those emotions is a total head-screw!
‘We muddle on through and I do love my husband very much. And actually, I’m just thinking, “I do really hope we can grow old together.”‘
Before she died, Dame Deborah gave her husband her blessing to start dating again once he comes to terms with her death.
‘I don’t think I have ever seen my husband so emotional; but now he has suddenly realised the enormity of this,’ Deborah said in one of her final interviews.
She then revealed to The Times: ‘I have given him strict instructions: I want him to move on.
‘He’s a handsome man, I’m, like, “Don’t be taken for a ride, don’t marry a bimbo, find someone else who can make you laugh like we did [together]”.’
Ahead of the documentary airing, in a pre-recorded interview shared on BBC Breakfast, Sebastien spoke of her death for the first time publicly.
Donate to Dame Deborah James’ Bowelbabe fund
Dame Deborah James admirably raised money towards cancer charities after announcing that her own bowel cancer was terminal.
The beloved campaigner, known by her social media handle Bowelbabe and as a presenter of the You, Me And The Big C podcast, had been diagnosed with stage four bowel cancer in 2016 and was told early on that she may not live beyond five years.
She tragically died last June at the age of 40, five years after being diagnosed with the disease.
With the support of Cancer Research UK (CRUK), Dame Deborah and her family established the Bowelbabe Fund, with all money raised to be allocated to funding clinical trials and research into personalised medicine that could result in new treatments for cancer patients, including projects in collaboration with partners such as The Institute of Cancer Research (ICR) and The Royal Marsden. Donations will also go towards continued support to raise awareness of cancer, such as Bowel Cancer UK’s Never Too Young campaign.
Her Bowelbabe Fund for Cancer Research UK has now reached £11.3million through its online appeal and her family’s fundraising, while they work to continue her legacy.
You can donate via the Just Giving link here.
He said: ‘It was just such a difficult, difficult time. It’s difficult to articulate how hard it really was.
‘I think she died in probably one of the best ways that you could have hoped to die with this terrible disease.
‘She died surrounded by her mother, her father, her sister, me, all of us holding her hand, being there for her.
‘It was as much as it can be, the first time I’ve ever seen someone pass away, but I think there was a peace to it. She had done everything she could hope to achieve.
‘She was surrounded by everyone who loved her, what else can you hope for really?’
Deborah James: Bowelbabe In Her Own Words airs on Monday, April 17 at 9pm on BBC Two and BBC iPlayer.
Macmillan cancer support
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