Soapwatch with JACI STEPHEN: Snatched by a stranger?
CORONATION STREET
Will the stranger in Toyah’s apartment finally accomplish what no other person has and wipe the permanent smirk from her face? Miracles have happened.
But when the woman arrives, declaring herself to be Spider’s wife, a conversation with Leanne makes Spider realise Toyah is in danger, as his wife isn’t in the country.
After he warns Toyah on the phone, she tries to act normal (that’ll be another first), but when Leanne and Spider arrive, there’s no sign of Toyah – and there’s blood. How come these two are at the centre of so much drama yet again?
Spider’s undercover cop stuff with Max’s gang was tedious enough, and now there’s more. It wasn’t remotely convincing the first time round.
The only way Spider could be assured of not being spotted undercover would be if he were 6ft in the ground with a heavily nailed lid holding him in.
This week on Coronation Street, Toyah (right) and her mysterious visitor, who claims to be Spider’s wife. Since Spider is sure that his wife’s not in the country, he soon realises that Toyah is in danger
Why might Toyah have been taken? Is it because she’s discovered that Spider is nowhere near as skint as he claims?
Or maybe she’s done a runner, given that he’s just proposed. Am I bovvered?
Adam is feeling the strain when he hears that one of the brothers Damon was involved with has been arrested for the murder of a local gangster.
Who needs a hitman?
Corrie’s Sam Robertson (Adam) thinks his character ‘could find a middle man’ to kill Damon.
If the devastation on Adam’s head is anything to go by, his hairdresser would make a great hitman.
Worried that it might be Damon, Adam confesses to Sarah that he might have done something stupid in talking to a local thug.
Don’t worry: ‘stupid’ is the Platt family’s middle name. All of them.
Later in court, Dee Dee watches as Adam has a panic attack. Hang on – Amy, Daisy, now Adam.
Have you noticed the one common factor in this sudden onslaught of panic attacks? Dee Dee is never far away to ‘help’. Ever thought it might just be you, love?
Stephen continues to plant the idea that Elaine might be suicidal, but the arrival of her supportive Tai Chi instructor might put paid to all that.
Beware. You might be next for the chop, mate. Or, as they say in your world, the Chou.
EASTENDERS
Walford’s turned into Resurrection Row. Keanu, Cindy and now Lisa have all returned to wreak havoc (or ‘their magic’ depending on your viewpoint) upon various locals’ lives.
Lisa has returned with her granddaughter Peggy and has one thing on her mind – making the tot’s father Keanu pay for breaking her daughter Louise’s heart.
When she bumps into Sonia, she says that things are rough in Portugal with Louise because she’s gone off the rails. I wonder who she gets that from.
Lisa has returned to Walford with her granddaughter in tow in Eastenders
Remember Lisa hitting Phil over the head with a phone – although if ever there was a skull that could survive that, it’s his. And she shot him, too.
If Louise has gone off the rails, Lisa’s gone full Runaway Train.
Like most people in Walford, Lisa has money issues, and in return for Keanu wanting to spend more time with Peggy, Lisa has financial demands.
But what’s she been spending her money on all these years? Certainly not her hair.
Who does Keanu turn to for advice? Reiss – Walford’s answer to Martin Lewis.
Keanu wants to extract cash from Taylor’s Motors. Really? There’s so little of value there, Vinny broke in recently and didn’t need so much as a toothpick to break the lock.
Lisa’s back… lock up the firearms!
Every time EastEnders’ Lisa returns, there’s a whole new aspect added to her character. So what’s she hiding this time? ‘It’s not immediately noticeable,’ says Lucy Benjamin (Lisa). ‘After the first few episodes, things start to unravel.’
And what’s it like to be back – again? ‘I love playing Lisa. I feel like I know her inside out and they write so well for her.’ Just keep the firearms locked up. She has form.
EMMERDALE
Clemmie’s in for a big birthday surprise…
The word ‘surprise’ never bodes well, and you can’t help feeling that another unwanted shock is imminent.
It’s Clemmie’s birthday, and Dawn and Billy are united in their decision to tell her the news that she’s going to have a new sibling. Doesn’t the poor girl have a complicated enough life already?
Let’s recall that Dawn learned that Clemmie was actually her son Lucas’ half-sister after her ex-boyfriend Alex had an affair with Beth – Clemmie’s mother, who died of an overdose (Keep up!).
Couldn’t they just have given her a normal kind of birthday – a new iPhone, a cake with candles?
Dawn and Billy are united in their decision to tell Clemmie the news that she’s going to have a new sibling
There’s a small miracle when an actual cricket match takes place at the pavilion. I know! Weird, right! Clearly there’s no one in there this week rolling around amongst the stumps, having an affair.
Cain and Paddy arrive to collect Dan for a ‘mysterious’ outing, and it’s none other than said cricket match.
Naturally, it all goes awry when Cain smashes a cricket pavilion window with his first ball.
You see? Nothing ever good comes of playing cricket at a cricket pavilion. Stick to cavorting there.
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