Woman asks if her friend is ‘crass’ for having a party to celebrate paying off her mortgage – as some agree it’s ‘tactless’ during cost of living crisis but others claim it’s no different to a housewarming

• Women on Mumsnet said her friend invited her to a ‘paying off mortgage’ party
• She said it ‘feels a bit fake’ as her parents ‘gifted at least £300k over her life’
• Some said the party looks ‘crass’ and ‘lacks self awareness’ of others situations
• While others said some women want to celebrate ‘non-traditional’ milestones

A woman has started a heated online debate after questioning whether she should attend a friends party to celebrate ‘paying off her mortgage’.

The unnamed woman took to the British parenting forum Mumsnet to reveal that one of her close friends, who ‘had help from her family’ is celebrating paying off her mortgage. 

She revealed she ‘doesn’t want to begrudge anyone’ but the party ‘feels a bit fake’ to her. 

She was met with mixed reactions as some agreed that it looks ‘crass’ and ‘lacks self awareness’. 

However, others made the point that some people want to celebrate milestones that are ‘not linked back to traditional family set ups’ such as ‘weddings, christenings and children’s birthdays.’ 

The unnamed woman took to Mumsnet to reveal that one of her close friends, who ‘had help from her family’ is celebrating paying off her mortgage (stock image)

Honest: She revealed she ‘doesn’t want to begrudge anyone’ but the party ‘feels a bit fake’ to her

The mother explained: ‘A friend of mine is having a party to celebrate paying her mortgage off, I don’t begrudge anyone paying off their mortgage as it’s a fantastic achievement, but she has had sooo much help from her family etc…

‘She’s never had to pay for a holiday, parents bought all her cars, paid for lots of work to her house including an extension, even paid for her divorce settlement. 

‘She’s been gifted at least £300,000 over the life of her mortgage. How would you feel about attending such a party ?? It feels a bit fake to me.

Others made the point that some ‘women wanting to celebrate milestones that are not linked back to traditional family set ups’ such as ‘weddings, christenings and children’s birthdays’

She continued: ‘My husband laughed his socks off when I told him about the party invite he said “Bank of Mum and Dad” paid mortgage off.’ 

One Mumsnet user replied: ‘I think it’s probably an “any excuse for a party” sort of thing – but it’s a bit crass/tactless/lacking in self awareness.’

While another said: ‘I too think it’s crass especially at the time most people are struggling financially.

‘We were lucky enough to be able to pay off our mortgage a few years ago. Don’t think we have told anyone never mind have a party.’

While someone else wrote: ‘In the current economic climate it seems somewhat crass. 

Any excuse! Another person made the point that people use any excuse to have a party these days

‘I suppose the only thing that would make it better would be if she was equally generous to others, a sort of “pay it forward” kind of person. Is she?’  

However, others thought it was no more ‘crass’ then ‘any other celebration.’

On person said: ‘I didn’t have a party as that would be weird. But I did post it on Facebook with a glass of Shloer.

‘I’d go to a party if I was free and not much effort on my part (same as most parties I suppose – somewhere local or easy to get to) Is it crass? Probably no more than any celebration.’

Another person made the point that people use any excuse to have a party these days.

Another person branded the friend as ‘smug’ and ‘tone deaf’ as it feel’s like ‘rubbing it in peoples faces’ 

Saying: ‘Most people I know just use whatever reason as a hook to hang the party on, eg end of summer party, new job party etc but it isn’t really referenced at the party itself. Go if you fancy socialising, don’t if you don’t.  

Someone else said: ‘Depends how it was phrased. My friend had a party when she bought a new bed. 

‘It was a tongue-in-cheek reason to invite people over. If this is a sincere celebration of paying off mortgage and it is the theme of the party then that’s very odd.’

Another valid point made by some users was people celebrate ‘being born’ and their babies genitals’ so why not celebrate being mortgage free.  

Someone said: ‘Initial thought.. very odd reason to have a party. Now thinking, why not, people gave party’s to celebrate their baby’s genitals after all.’

While another wrote: ‘It seems that you think it’s not an achievement because her parents helped her, and therefore not worthy of celebration, but how much of an achievement is it to have been born for example? 

‘That we celebrate. It’s not your achievement, if anything it’s your mother that should be celebrated. 

‘Also, is it so different from having a house warming party? Not everyone can afford to move/buy a house/rent a house whatever, doesn’t mean that the person should not feel happy and want to celebrate with his/her friends.’ 

Another mother wondered if maybe the friend was simply child-free and wanted to celebrate a milestone that is ‘not linked back to traditional family set up.’

She explained: ‘It may be a push back against constantly having to take time out for (and spend money on) weddings, christenings, children’s birthdays, maternity leave collections at work etc.

‘I’ve definitely seen a trend towards women wanting to celebrate milestones that are not linked back to traditional family set ups. Which seems fair on the face of it…’

However, the original poster confirmed that her friend has ‘got two adult kids.’  

Others decided it was best not to go to the party if she ‘was jealous’ of her friend, with one person even writing out an example reply. 

Saying: ‘What a lovely idea to throw a party to thank your parents for all their generosity over the years. I’m busy that night but I’m sure you will all have a wonderful time.’

Others decided it was best not to go to the party if she ‘was jealous’ of her friend, with one person even writing out an example reply

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