It’s that age old dilemma, repeated in homes across the country on ‘takeaway night’. You and your partner love each other, but they want pizza, you want curry.
Or when booking summer hols, they want an activity holiday and you want to relax poolside, cocktail in hand.
Couples usually work these things out by compromise. But what about something as intimate as your sex drives?
The stats are pretty shocking. Because just like couples don’t agree on pizza, mismatched sex drives occur in about three quarters of couples.
With lower sex drive, you panic mildly when your partner has the look of lust in their eyes. With higher drive, you dream of them looking at you like that!
Before I get to some hot tips, these are five main reasons for lower sex drive.
Sort any that trouble you or your partner and it’ll help sort out different your sex drives levels:
- Excess stress or anxiety drains people of energy, nothing’s left for getting jiggy.
- Arguments between you that affects them more – they don’t look at you with desire, they look at you with disdain.
- Health and lifestyle issues. Some medications dampen down sex drive so check with your GP. Lifestyle choices like excess drinking, smoking, late nights, eating junk food are classic culprits destroying sex drive.
- They’ve no/low bedroom confidence masquerading as low sex drive.
- Just because that’s the way you’re/they’re built. You’ve/they’ve never had a high sex drive.
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Here are six things you must do to rev up the sizzle:
Push their buttons
What’s the one thing your partner with lower sex drive loves when they are in the mood for sex?
Maybe they can’t resist when you start giving them a sensual massage while cuddling in bed.
Go for it, let your fingers roam all over their body. Try different techniques like swirling fingertips through luscious lubricant.
Or swirling, then giving them little pinches. Gently does it.
Turn the ordinary into sex-traordinary
Occasionally turn something ordinary into something much sexier.
Never had shower sex? Light the bathroom with candles and ask if they want to slip in with you. Be playful while you rub each other down with shower gel.
Same thing when eating a yummy dessert – spoon-feed them and be playful with it. Show them "sexy" doesn’t have to be hard to do.
Tempt them
Oops, you’ve stepped out the shower and your towel drops to the floor. Suddenly you’re naked in front of them.
Or you’re wearing a miniskirt and, oh my, you must bend over in front of them to pick something off the floor.
One study found giving them "visual cues" – literally showing them what they’re missing – helped boost desire.
Sexy shopping
Sticking with "visual cues" tell them you want to take them shopping. But shopping with a difference.
Visit a high-street adult store and browse. Enjoy looking at sexy gear and the exciting array of sex toys.
Tease to please
Use reverse psychology and say sex is off-limits for the weekend, you won’t try to bed them.
But at the first opportunity (maybe you’re watching telly) innocently describe a really hot fantasy you had.
Give them loads of raunchy detail about how you imagine them as the telly repairman who ‘takes’ you on the settee.
Or the sexy neighbour who lets her bathrobe fall open when you call round to borrow milk.
The mixed message saying sex is off-limits but then describing something really sexy can boost their drive.
Boost their bedroom confidence
If they lack sex drive is about them feeling they aren’t a natural Mr Loverman or woman, let them know why you lust after them. Tell them why they turn you on.
Inside and outside the bedroom show how much you love and care about them. Make it a daily thing to compliment and flirt with them.
Being flirty might just get them being dirty.
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