"THE BABY ones are the worst,” says Becky Parker quietly, describing the times she has seen a newborn on her bedroom floor, covered in blood.
Falling to her knees, she tries desperately to save the child, screaming for help in the darkness.
“Then suddenly, it’s all gone. No baby, no blood. Just me, collapsed in tears, terrified,” says the 30 year old from Caerphilly.
If this sounds like a horror film, Becky says you’re halfway there.
“Imagine having a horrendous nightmare, but when you wake up, it’s still happening.
"It’s like having your deepest, darkest fears right there in front of you, and there’s no escape. That’s what a night terror feels like to me.”
Becky is not alone.
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Recent studies found that 35% of 18 month olds experience night terrors, though by adulthood, that drops to just 2.2%.*
But what exactly are they?
“Night terrors, also known as sleep terrors, are one of a group of disorders we call ‘parasomnias,’” says Dr Dimitri Gavriloff, a clinical psychologist who runs a sleep disorders service at Oxford University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust.
That group includes sleepwalking and nightmares.
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But unlike nightmares, which tend to happen in the second half of your sleeping pattern, night terrors occur when we’re in slow-wave or “deep sleep”, during the first third of the night.
“They typically involve someone seeming to wake and suddenly becoming intensely fearful,” he explains.
“They often shout, scream, sweat or shake.”
The timing of a night terror is key for another reason, explains Heather Darwall-Smith, sleep psychotherapist at The London Sleep Centre and author of The Science Of Sleep.
During this deep stage of sleep, your brain cognition has slowed down.
So you see a hallucination without the ability to properly process what is going on.
“It’s this lack of understanding that creates the heightened levels of fear,” explains Heather.
“Your body is responding to the threat, but with the conscious, logical brain ‘offline’, it’s a truly terrifying place to be.”
Just ask Becky, who works for the Citizens Advice Witness Service, and her prison officer husband Luke, 33.
“Last night I’d just dropped off when I saw a dark figure leaping from the end of my bed,” Becky says.
“He wore a hat and cloak. It was a man but without a human face. All I could do was scream at Luke. He kept calmly telling me there was nothing there.
But this awful figure was just inches from my face. And then he was gone.”
Imagine having a horrendous nightmare, but when you wake up, it’s still happening.
Not all her night terrors leave Becky frozen.
During the first that she can remember, when she was 12, she saw a menacing creature and jumped out of bed.
“I bolted down the stairs into the kitchen, where I could see the floor moving beneath me. There were spikes and flames all around as I grabbed a kitchen knife, desperately trying to protect my family from a creature.
“Thankfully, my mum was able to get the knife out of my hand before I hurt myself or someone else.
"My older sister had also suffered from night terrors, so Mum knew that’s what it was. She hoped I’d grow out of it as my sister had.”
It’s an experience Becky can recall vividly 18 years later, although as Heather explains, often sufferers do not remember the dream imagery from their terrors.
Becky still has no idea what horrific vision caused her to flee her room at Aberystwyth University aged 19, drag a suitcase into the hallway and zip herself into it.
“My confused friend found me there at 4am and got me back into bed,” she says.
For Ruth Marr, 31, a business analyst from Swindon, this is very familiar.
Sometimes it was only when her mum would tell her at breakfast about her bloodcurdling screams during the night, that she realised she’d had another sleep terror.
“Other times, though, I knew it all too well,” she says.
“The menacing dark figures in my bedroom, sometimes with a frightening face, others just a terrifying outline, have been with me as long as I can remember.”
Thankfully, my mum was able to get the knife out of my hand before I hurt myself or someone else.
As a teenager she kept her terrors secret, never telling friends or going to sleepovers, worried she’d be seen as strange.
Ruth also chose to live at home when she studied psychology at the University of Gloucestershire, rather than on campus.
At 20, she met her first serious boyfriend, and a new host of challenges appeared.
“I tried to keep it light, saying: ‘Don’t be scared if you think something terrible is happening to me in the night!’
"Thankfully, even after he’d woken to my terrifying yells and thrashing about, he was great, though I’m sure his housemates didn’t appreciate my screaming!”
Five years into their relationship, Ruth’s terrors took a new, even scarier turn.
“I was alone one night when the horrible figures appeared. Jumping out of bed, I ran and slammed into the wall, hurting my arm and shoulder.
"It kept happening, which created a new level of worry. It got to the point that I didn’t know how many bruises I’d wake up to each morning.”
It was one more thing she had to discuss with her current partner Jon, 33, a project manager, when they started dating in 2018.
“Thankfully, he was amazing. When he woke up with marks on his hands where I’d scratched him, he was nothing but supportive – and didn’t even complain when I apparently hit him in the face once.”
Then, a year into their relationship, Ruth discovered she was pregnant.
“The worry was immediate,” she says.
I was alone one night when the horrible figures appeared. Jumping out of bed, I ran and slammed into the wall, hurting my arm and shoulder.
“What if I ran into the wall and hurt the baby? But thankfully, it was a calm nine months.
"It was as if my mind was protecting me and the baby. And long before Jacob was born in April 2019, we had a plan in place.
“His cot would always be on Jon’s side of the bed. Jon would be awake for every breastfeed and would make sure Jacob was safely back there afterwards.
"It’s the same plan we have now with our second son Freddie, who’s 18 weeks.”
As for what causes night terrors, the jury is still out. Heather says caffeine, alcohol, medication, sleep deprivation and stress are all recognised contributors.
“They can also return due to an intense period of anxiety following a traumatic event or a new health issue,” she says.
This chimes with Becky, who after meeting Luke in 2012 through a dating site and marrying in 2018, couldn’t conceive.
That’s when the babies began appearing in her terrors, only increasing after her heartbreaking diagnosis of endometriosis in 2020.
She also often “wakes” to see her bed swarming with spiders – visions that increase in times of worry.
Ruth certainly feels that the pandemic and all the stresses it brought made her terrors worse.
But like Becky, she’s never sought medical treatment.
When he woke up with marks on his hands where I’d scratched him, he was nothing but supportive – and didn’t even complain when I apparently hit him in the face once.
“I’ve reached a level of acceptance,” she says.
“I do think: ‘What the hell am I going to do if this happens when I’m in my 80s?’
"But I’ve tried to find some light and humour in it. I sip camomile tea at bedtime, ask Alexa to play the sounds of crashing waves and hope for a good night.”
Anyone experiencing night terrors should contact their GP, who may refer them to a sleep clinic, says Heather.
It can be a difficult condition to unravel, but psychotherapy, cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia (CBTI), imagery rehearsal therapy (IRT), hypnosis and relaxation therapy are all possible treatments.
For now, Becky has her own plan for the morning after the awful night before.
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“I call my mum! No matter where I am or what horrible things I saw, telling her about it and hearing her voice always helps.
"Even aged 30, there’s no night terror that my mum can’t make better.”
- Source: *Sleep Foundation
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