Written by Amy Beecham

The actor opened up about her childhood trauma and how fame has impacted her identity in the episode.

Content warning: this article contains references to childhood neglect and trauma that readers might find upsetting.

In a podcast episode released yesterday (26 September), Game Of Thrones actor Maisie Williams has spoken publicly for the first time about the abuse she suffered as a child and her strained relationship with her father.

Speaking to Steven Bartlett on his The Diary Of A CEO podcast, Williams became emotionalas she discussed the “traumatic” relationship and how finding fame as Arya Stark on HBO’s hit series at such a young age impacted her mental health.

“I had a traumatic relationship with my dad and ever since I can remember I have struggled sleeping,” she shared, explaining that while she didn’t “want to go into it too much” because it affects her siblings and “her whole family”.

In 2017, Williams told Time Magazine that her parents were separated but that she “spent time with both of them growing up”. While her father was present, Williams said she credits her upbringing and the raising of her and her siblings to her mum.

On the podcast, Williams added that a teacher had recognised that something was wrong when she was just eight years old. “When I was about eight, I was really struggling. It had met its peak and when I was at school I was taken by a teacher to the staff room. She asked me what had happened,” she recalled.

“She asked me if I ate breakfast, I said no, and asked if I did most mornings. I said no. They were asking the right questions. My mum came to school and picked me up. It was the first time that all of the doors were open and it was the first time things were on the table.”

Reflecting on her childhood, she said: “I think a lot of the traumatic things that were happening, I didn’t realise they were wrong. But I knew – I would look around at other kids and be like, ‘Why don’t they seem to understand this pain, or dread, or fear? Where does the joy – when does that come for me?’”

While battling identity, anxiety and mental health issues as a child and young adult, Williams shared that she struggled to accept her relationship with her father, often blaming herself for the way she was treated.

“I was indoctrinated in a way. I think that’s why I’m obsessed with cults. My world flipped,” she said. “To be honest, I have been thinking about this a lot – it’s not because of me that these bad things happened when I was a child. I thought it was. I thought there was something inherently wrong with me.

“It made me more interested in the guy. What could make you mistreat your own children? What happened to you as a kid? Did you pull the legs off bugs? Did you learn all this?”

However, in portraying Stark across eight seasons of GOT, Williams said she found a place for her feelings and emotions in-character. “I’ve known how that feels, and it’s hugely influenced… I get to access all of that confusion and pain in my job, and really feel it in every fibre of my being… it’s all pretend but the emotion is real.. it all just came to the surface,” she told Bartlett.

Williams added that her recent “life changing” spiritual experiences and long-term boyfriend have anchored her despite the trauma. “I never knew peace, joy and happiness with another person could be this way,” she shared, adding that she hoped the conversation would help people who struggle with similar issues.

Steven Bartlett’s The Diary of a CEO podcast is available to listen on Spotify or watch via YouTube

NAPAC (the National Association for People Abused in Childhood) offers support to adult survivors of all types of childhood abuse, including physical, sexual, emotional abuse or neglect. You can visit their website or given them a call on 0808 801 0331.

Images: Getty/The Diary Of A CEO/HBO

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