First dates are nerve-wracking enough as it is, and when you add in the awkward first date conversations it’s best to avoid and the same nine topics you talk about every first date, they can start to feel exhausting. But it’s important to always remember that first dates have the potential to be really, really fun! And if you vibe with your date and you feel great chemistry, a good first date can serve as a little reminder of why we endure the anxiety and awkward conversations to begin with.
But these things are easy to forget if first dates are something you can’t help but feel incredibly anxious about, and you’re not alone! According to Fran Greene, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and author of The Secret Rules of Flirting, "fearless first dates don’t exist."
"It doesn’t matter who you are, what you are, everyone is a little bit nervous," she previously told Elite Daily, and honestly, that’s a comforting thought. It’s nice to know that even the most confident-seeming individuals get nervous before first dates, too. No one’s immune! So if you want to make your next first date less nerve-wracking and awkward, these are six conversation topics you should try to steer clear of.
1Anything about your ex
Talking about your ex on a first date usually comes across one of two ways: If you speak positively about your ex, it could make your date feel like you’re still into them. On the other hand, if all you say is negative things about your ex, it might seem like you harbor resentment toward them. Save the ex talk for down the line, if you and your date get comfortable and decide it’s time to open up to each other about your pasts.
2Your future children and/or marriage
It’s completely normal to plan the details of your future out in your mind. Sure, you know it may not actually play out exactly the way you want it to, but you have an idea of what you want and that is fine. But laying it all out on the first date can be overwhelming for your date. Even if you already know what you want to name your children, consider keeping it to yourself until you and your date move toward something more serious.
Oh god, politics. In today’s polarized political atmosphere, bringing up your political views can quickly turn into a heated argument. If where your date stands on political issues is make-or-break for you, then by all means ask away — just be prepared for the chance that the date may go south very quickly. Even if you’re more willing to look past political opinions, still consider saving the politics talk for later. Passionate discussion is fine, but not the most comfortable topic for a first date.
Religion is another one of those heavy topics that’s best to avoid on a first date, unless it’s something that’s incredibly important to you. If you can’t or won’t date someone who does not follow your religion, then bring it up if you must know immediately. But if you’re indifferent about someone’s religion or it doesn’t have some kind of drastic impact on your life, consider steering clear from asking your date about their faith, or lack thereof, until later on.
5Your sexual fantasies
Unless it’s been established that the two of you are going to have sex that night, revealing every detail about your sexual fantasies could make your date uncomfortable. Plus, it might be fun to keep them wondering what really gets you hot — at least for the next few dates.
6Any emotionally heavy topics
While I am all for being an open book and being honest about your feelings and your past, telling your first date about every emotionally impactful experience you’ve ever had might be a bit overwhelming for them. This conversation (or conversations) might be better reserved for later on down the line, when they’ve earned your vulnerability and trust.
Every first date is different, so when you’re on one, suss out the vibe and talk about whatever you feel comfortable about! If you want to keep the conversation flowing smoothly and avoid any potential points of conflict, consider steering clear of these six topics. Of course, this is completely up to you and your comfort level, so if your first date is going great and you feel comfortable opening up, by all means, talk about whatever your heart desires! But if you’d rather keep it chill and simple, try to avoid topics that might spark heavy disagreements.
Remember: A first date is one where you’re getting to know someone new for the very first time. You don’t have to reveal all if you don’t feel ready yet. Follow your gut and stick to what you feel good discussing. You’ve got this, girl!
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