Jeff Lewis is continuing to work through the rollercoaster of emotions he’s been feeling since he and his partner of 10 years, Gage Edward, separated.
The Flipping Out star, 48, revealed that he was “spiraling into a very, very, deep, dark depression” during their time apart, on an episode of his SiriusXM radio show Jeff Lewis Live.
He told Edward about his mental state, he said, during a phone call that took place the day after the two had met for what Lewis called “a terrible” dinner. At that meal, Lewis says he “received about two hours of lecturing and criticisms” from Edward, hearing “all the terrible s–” he’s done. Eventually, Lewis admits, he left the table in a rage.
Edward had no comment on the situation.
RELATED: Jeff Lewis Stormed Out of ‘Terrible’ Dinner Date with Partner Gage Edward Following Separation
While Lewis admitted he regretted leaving, he explained to Edward on the call that he was aware of his faults and was trying to change.
“‘I have heard everything you’ve had to say to me in the last couple of weeks and I take 100 percent responsibility for what has gone wrong in this relationship,’ ” Lewis recalled telling Edward — with whom he shares 2-year-old daughter Monroe — during their phone call on Sunday. “I truly feel like I have failed you, I have failed my child, and I have failed my family. I could not feel more like a failure. I could not feel any worse than how I feel today . . . You’ve already given me a thousand examples of why I’ve been an a— and I agree with you.’ “
It’s then that Lewis reveals he opened up about the emotional struggles he was experiencing.
“‘I’m working really hard to implement these changes in my life and what I would prefer to have from you is support and acknowledgement,’ ” Lewis claimed he told Edward. “‘I would love a little word of encouragement and I do not want you to beat the s— out of me anymore because I am spiraling into a very, very deep, dark depression and I want to stop this now.’ “
RELATED: Jeff Lewis Says ‘I Have Failed My Child’ as He Takes Responsibility for Separation from Partner
Lewis first announced that Edward had moved out of the home they shared with their daughter on Jan. 31, after they allegedly spent the better part of a year sleeping in separate rooms.
Their separation news also comes on the heels of a turbulent year for the couple, which included the end of Lewis’ friendship with Flipping Out costar Jenni Pulos and the filing of a lawsuit against them by Alexandra Trent, the surrogate who carried their daughter.
Since first opening up about their separation, Lewis has shared a lot with his radio show listeners about how he has been feeling — explaining in past episodes that he feels he’s been navigating the various stages of grief, including “denial,” “pain,” “fear,” and “anger.”
He’s currently seeking the advice of a therapist, he said, and on Monday’s show, he revealed that he was making big changes as a result.
“I have a very hurt, wounded inner child . . . And that inner child made me a lot of money for a long time on reality TV, screaming and yelling . . . But that’s not what I want for the next chapter of my life,” Lewis said. “No one is going to be around me, including my child, if I don’t make these changes.”
And on Tuesday’s show, Lewis said that he’s “doing really well.”
“Sunday is when things started turning for me,” he said. “As you know, I started my positive affirmations and so [Monday] was, ‘I choose happiness’ and [Sunday] was, ‘I’m enough.’ And today I looked something up — the quote of the day was, ‘Stop f—ing s— up.’ That’s the mantra for today.”
Jeff Lewis Live airs Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays (11 a.m. ET) on SiriusXM’s Radio Andy (Ch. 102).
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