Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. If you’re interested in hearing from The Times regularly about great TV, sign up for our Watching newsletter and get recommendations straight to your inbox.
William Barr Shouldn’t Have Said ‘Snitty’
On Wednesday, Attorney General William Barr testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee, answering questions about the Mueller report (or, as Trevor Noah referred to it, “the longest-running saga that doesn’t have Iron Man in it”). Much of the focus was on Robert Mueller’s letter to Barr saying he found Barr’s summary of the report to be misleading.
“Mueller wrote Barr a letter complaining that Barr ‘did not fully capture the context, nature, and substance’ of Mueller’s work. ‘Context, nature, and substance.’ That is, uh — that is everything. That’s like saying, ‘I really like what you did with this, you know, car, except the wheels, the engine and the car.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Going from Barr’s summary to the actual Mueller report is like being told how the stork brought your baby brother and watching the video of the actual childbirth — very different experiences.” — TREVOR NOAH
“You can’t boil a report that long down to four pages, and you shouldn’t try. That’s like saying the battle of Winterfell was about a dude who smoked too much weed and thought he was a bird.” — SETH MEYERS
But Barr didn’t back down, testifying that he’d found Mueller’s letter to be “a bit snitty.” Stephen Colbert’s reaction was, “I can imagine Mueller was a bit snitty because your four-page summary was a steaming pile of snit.”
“William Barr’s testimony today could really hurt him. Yes. In fact, it was so bad he might even have to stay in the Trump administration.” — CONAN O’BRIEN
“Now people are accusing Barr of covering up for Trump. Yeah, when Trump heard, he immediately asked him to resign as attorney general and be his new vice president.” — JIMMY FALLON
Lindsey Graham Owes the Senate Swear Jar
Another highlight of the hearing came from Senator Lindsey Graham, who swore on live cable television. It happened as Graham was quoting a text message from the F.B.I. agent Peter Strzok, which read, “Trump is a [expletive] idiot.”
“In Senator Graham’s defense, he did make the most reasonable and coherent statement of the day today.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
After his use of profanity, Graham issued an apology “to the kids out there.” (“As if the kids are off the playground and gathered around C-Span for the hearings today,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.)
“Why, Lindsey Beauregard Graham, I do declare! Man, you know, it’s getting so you can’t even take your kids out of school on a Wednesday morning and watch a congressional hearing together as a family.” — SETH MEYERS
"You should have seen my 8-year-old son this morning. He was like, ‘Dad, I’m going to eat the Cheerios, but let me see how this plays out.’” — JAMES CORDEN
The Punchiest Punchlines (More Mueller Edition)
“People were so upset about [the hearings] that the hashtag ‘impeach Barr’ was trending on Twitter last night. It was everywhere. Twitter hasn’t gone after a Barr like this since Roseanne.” — JAMES CORDEN
“A day after Mueller sent his letter to Barr, the two men spoke by phone for about 15 minutes. Fifteen minutes! Mueller should have just sent him a text: ‘Bill, you eggplant. This summary is poop emoji, poop emoji, poop emoji.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Look, I’m not saying Barr tried to cover up for Trump, but he kept things so in the dark, he could be a lighting guy on ‘Game of Thrones.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
On “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Emilia Clarke shared that it’s much easier for women to ride dragons than it is for men.
The “Avengers: Endgame” star Sebastian Stan told Jimmy Fallon what fans could expect from the forthcoming Falcon and Winter Soldier spinoff series, which he’ll star in alongside Anthony Mackie on Disney+.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Charlize Theron will chat with Trevor Noah, a fellow South African native, about her new film “Long Shot.”
Also, Check This Out
The people behind “El Chicano,” a new superhero movie with an all-Latino cast, say it was almost impossible to get it made — at least in the United States. Its directors, Joe Carnahan and Ben Hernandez Bray, were told the film needed a “Caucasian influence.” Instead of giving in, they went to Canada to secure financing, and on Friday the film opens in 600 theaters across America.
Source: Read Full Article