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The title is slightly misleading but the entire story wouldn’t fit so I’ll clarify. Nina Dobrev made a pro and con list about a guy after they broke up. Then she got rid of the “pro” section and a friend made her tape it by her bed so she wouldn’t text him in a moment of weakness. This is so smart! Nina told this story on Busy Tonight, which I have to say is killing it. The more I watch that show, the more I appreciate what Busy is doing and how she’s bringing a laid back, confessional vibe to talk shows. Nina, 30, is single now, and she’s dated some high profile guys in the past.

Do you vision board?
I have goals but I don’t get magazines out and make vision boards. I had an ex. One of my girlfriends suggested we write the pros and the cons down [of being with him] on two different boards. We threw out the pros because we had broken up. I only wanted to remind myself of the things that I didn’t like. She put it on my bedroom wall. In the mornings and at night is when you’re the most vulnerable and you feel like ‘oh maybe they weren’t that bad.’ You’re like ‘nope, he was bad.’ She taped a sharpie next to it so I could keep adding to the list.

It’s just negatives about your ex so you don’t booty call him

OK I have done this. I wrote a pro and con list of staying with an ex so I wouldn’t be tempted to get back with him. (I used this cost benefit analysis worksheet. Yes I am a nerd.) The con side was twice as long. It made it easy to see why I dumped him and it made it easier to cut contact. I also made a list of qualities I was looking for in a partner. It wasn’t “rich, handsome” as much as “listens to me,” “is liberal,” etc. Then when I met the right guy I could see that I wouldn’t be making the same mistakes. I know it sounds calculating, but it’s a huge decision to bring someone into your life and to keep them in.

This reminds me of a podcast interview I heard with Debra Newell, the real life woman from Dirty John. Kate Casey of Reality Life interviewed Debra and an expert on criminal behavior and coercive control, Laura Richards. Richards said that people often don’t consider the ramifications of starting a relationship and just get swept up in it. It’s not only about noticing the red flags, it’s about making the right choices instead of letting your emotions take over.

Here’s the interview:

— Busy Philipps (@BusyPhilipps) February 5, 2019

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