Exchanging phone passwords can be a big step for some couples. It’s a sign that says, "I trust you enough to know you won’t go sneaking through my texts or Instagram DMs," largely because the partners are so committed to each other, they have nothing to hide. It can also make daily life way easier. If your hands are tied and your phone’s the one with the tipping app on it, for example, it’s easy to blare out your code and have bae do the work. But, how long should you date before exchanging phone passwords? I interviewed two relationship experts, and they concluded it might be better to put it off for a while, at least while you two establish that oh-so-crucial element of trust.
In this day and age, a person’s phone can easily be their most prized possession, so it makes sense that it would be hard to let another person see everything. "When it comes to exchanging phone [passwords] with the person you’re dating, it’s often the last thing someone will let go of in a partnership," Julie Spira, online dating expert and CEO at Cyber-Dating Expert, tells Elite Daily. "Trust is essential in building a relationship, and the thought of your partner snooping through your cell phone, or vice-versa, means the end of freedom for some. However, if you and your SO have become the emergency contact for each other, and you’re spending a lot of time together, or are living together, you should be at a point where you can trust them with your life, as well as the digits to your passwords."
Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean you should dive in and give your partner your phone password right off the bat. The decision to share passwords is one the two of you should consider making together, once you’re a little more established as a couple. "This kind of conversation should be part of a larger conversation around transparency versus privacy in a relationship," dating and relationships expert, Anita A. Chlipala, tells Elite Daily. "Partners will not always see eye-to-eye but they need to express their expectations." So before you make any hasty decisions, it might be smart to talk about how you feel about privacy and trust in general. What are your boundaries? Are there apps on your phone you don’t want your partner to have access to? Do they insist on watching you like a hawk if and when you’re using their phone? It’s important to be on the same page.
Additionally, you don’t need to feel any pressure to have your partner’s phone password by a certain time. "There’s no real timetable for when you should have the conversation to swap passwords" Spira explains. "But doing so too soon can backfire, and there’s no such rule for doing it on the later side." Essentially there’s no harm in waiting. As Spira said, having a locked phone and the privacy that comes with that is often one of the last things someone will let go of in a relationship.
At the end of the day, know that every relationship is different. "Sharing passwords to each other’s phones isn’t for everyone, and can be more serious than the initial DTR talk," Spira says. "Knowing the motivations behind this desire and having trust in each other must exist before you embark on this conversation."
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